Sunday, August 06, 2006

Protection, Nurturing, and Love

Ice_Princess said...

Hey Gaelin,
When are you coming back? On this topic by the way my new daddy says that a woman wants to be protected, nurtured and loved and that it's the man's job to provide that, and then he said when a woman gets that from the man she wants then everything is anyway where are you?

Has it really been so long since I've last written? May 18th does seem a world away, doesn't it? I apologize for being gone so long; my wife is out of town and has been for several weeks (on a business-related trip) and so my muse is missing. Alas, what am I to write about with no naughty girl forgetting her phone every other day? Thanks to Ice Princess for providing me with something else to write about.

I understand what your Daddy means by women wanting to be protected, nurtured and loved. However I don't believe that feeling is necessarily innate. In fact, I think that rather, it is more an inborn trait of women to provide protection, nurturing and love (to their children), where it is perhaps less likely that men will possess these traits without cultivating them.

All in all, I don't think it's possible to boil a gender down to three basic needs, and assume that fulfilling these needs will result in a happy union. The needs you mentioned are definitely characteristics I would expect to find in a successful coupling but I'm not so convinced they are "female" needs nor that it is a "male" responsibility to meet them. I think these needs are common to both sexes and that both partners will need to provide these basics to each other consistently to keep a relationship functional.

For example, I agree that Anna wants these things from me, and I do my best to provide them for her with as much dependability as is possible, but I don't think she has the market cornered in needing these things. As her husband, I want these same things from her in turn. Love, of course, but even nurturing and protection in different ways. I don't want her to don a suit of armour and slay villians on my behalf, but she does protect and nurture me in her own ways.

She does massage my shoulders after I've been at the computer screen all day, and she does, even, protect me from situations I don't like being in by managing people and social scenes to keep me from having to talk to people she knows I don't want to talk to, or get into discussions she knows I don't want to have. This kind of protection isn't about killing lions (but neither is mine for her). Instead it is about emotional protection, helping each other to be "emotionally safe" wherever possible.

So yes, Ice_Princess, I agree that women need these things and that men must provide them, but I don't believe that is a one-way street in the least. The thing about ageplay and BDSM is that it tends to look as though the "top" or "Daddy" is doing all the providing, but it isn't, in my experience, like that at all. Although the obvious nurturing flows in one direction, there are always more subtle things going on that aren't so easily seen or even described. There are many types of protection and nurturing and love!

It does sound as if your new Daddy has good intentions in wanting to fulfill your needs for these things and I do hope that you find the relationship rewarding.

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