Saturday, April 22, 2006

Checking up, Checking in

She likes to take freelance writing and editing jobs to keep her busy when the theatre is dark. The latest one has kept her much busier than I like her to be because it means she is sometimes working at her computer in the evenings when I would much prefer her to be sitting on my lap.

It becomes important, when the little one is largely engaged with adult work and adult activities, to take some time time to focus attention on her little side and ensure the little girl is attended and tended to. Wednesday night I checked in with the wee one.

She has trouble with these, much as the entire experience of living an ageplay lifestyle is troublesome in a multitude of ways. Experience, however, tells me the rewards of remaining steadfast even when it is difficult are more than worth the troubled times. This is why I insist even when she initially resists my attentions. She has always, without fail, told me later that she appreciates and needs these attentions even when she simultaneously feels she does not want them.

On Wednesday night it was time for some attention to her body, to her health. Of course, I am not a doctor and so my checks are more for affect than for effective purpose. The reason to subject her to the checks is the intentional stripping away of privacy and boundaries, to remind her that I am attentive to her in every way and that she is required to let me do these things even when they make her feel uncomfortable and embarrassed.

After dinner she went to her computer to begin work, and I allowed her an hour to work while I decided what the evening's checks would involve. When I was ready I told her to go to the bedroom. She was quick to obey; she knew what was on the agenda for the evening and knew that disobedience was not a good idea.

She went quickly. In the bedroom, I undressed her completely. I am always astounded by the power clothing has to build or diminish authority. When both people are undressed together, there is an equality, a meshing of status, even if one considers himself to be the "Top". When she is undressed by me, and stands before me naked, she is instantly more vulnerable, smaller and timid as I stand before her fully clothed. In the entire time I have known her, though she occasionally possesses a smart mouth, she has never once, not even one time, uttered a saucy word while in a state of undress. Imagine.

She is shy when she is undressed this way, shy when I have her stand before me and look at her body. She looks down when I look at her face. She whispers in reply when I speak to her. She has a beautiful body, perfectly formed for all the terrible things I want to do to her. She is a small girl, easily lifted, easily carried. I picked her up and carried her to the bed and had her lie on her back.

Careful checks. Everywhere, from top to bottom. I start with her face, her mouth, her ears. Looking and touching gently. I like to look at her eyes, watch the nervousness, the anticipation, the blush and the love.

I touch her breasts, gently, starting at the outside perimeter and working my way around in small circles, moving inward slowly to the nipple. I pinch the nipple gently first, listen her intake of breath, and pinch a little harder, watching her eyes.

Her shoulders, her neck, her stomach, pushing gently and rubbing, testing for soreness and testing her reactions. She holds still and silent. I spread her legs. First there is the external checks, a series of gentle one-finger strokes and feathery touches. And then a gentle but insistent
opening to allow first one finger and then two. I feel inside, one hand on her stomach and one inside, one pushing against the other. Then the speculum. Yes, I have one. Two in fact!

First, I apply the lubricant to make the speculum slip in easily. Lubricant is, of course, best applied by hand. Then, when the speculum is inserted fully, I crank it open slowly, slowly so it causes no pain but opens her up wide, wide, wide so I may look and touch and explore her body thoroughly, allowing her no hiding place whatsoever. She is expected to hold still and cooperate, and last night she behaved herself during this part of the examination very nicely.

After that part is over, I slide the speculum out and have her turn over on her tummy, with pillows piled up beneath her, raising her bottom up high. This position is also practical for many of the other attentions I must pay her, but for now, it is merely examination time. I have her spread her knees apart and again, get lubricant on my fingers.

This time the lubricant is applied to her bottom. I start in small circles around her bottom hole and then slowly insert a finger to ensure she is well lubricated. She dislikes this very much and she buries her face in the pillows and I love to watch the blush travel down her neck. When the lubricant is applied with great care, I use the other spec for this part of the examination. Again, I slide the speculum in gently. When it comes to bottom tending, she needs more time to adjust to the sensation of the speculum and so I let it stay seated inside her a moment before continuing.

After that minute has passed, I open the speculum carefully, and slowly. It takes a few moments to get it open all the way, but I take my time. The object is not to cause her pain, but merely to open her wide, literally and figuratively, wide to the point of discomfort but not pain, and the pain, of course, is more psychological than physical. She is meant to feel psychologically uncomfortable at this point; I want her to feel
exposed and vulnerable.

This is the point at which she had trouble last night and resisted a little. She is not permitted to resist, and she she knows this. By resistance, I do not mean that she tried to stand up or leave the bed. I mean, only, that she did not allow her body to relax and accept the speculum as easily as she can, and when I attempted to open it, she clenched against it, fighting the inevitable opening.

This resistance
does cause more discomfort than is meant to be felt, and catches her in a viscious circle. Of course, the more she resists, the more pain she feels, and the more pain she feels, the more she resists. It is difficult, I sympathize, to control these natural and instinctual reactions. However. Yes. However, it is her responsibility to cooperate as best she can, and she was not doing her best. She was allowing her nervousness and trepidation to overtake her submission.

I warned her to relax and take another deep breath. She took the breath as directed by did not relax and I heard her whimper a little as the speculum opened wider. Annalove, I mean it, I told her, I need to relax right now, darling. I cranked the spec open all the way and she whimpered again, twisting a little. I told her this was her last warning and that if she did not immediately begin to cooperate fully, I would spank her right then and there, and then continue the examination on her red and sore bottom. That did the trick, and she took some deep breaths and I could feel the tension dissolve. With the speculum wide open I checked her completely and took a great deal longer than usual to teach her the importance of obeying when I give her instructions. It pleases me very much to watch her in this state of mind, embarrassed and struggling with her inner voices that are telling her to resist. It pleases me when she is able to obey - I am proud of her. It also pleases me when she loses the battle, for then I am required to spank that beautiful bottom to teach her a lesson. Either way, you see, I win. LOL.

I kept her opened wide for a long time, perhaps twenty minutes, touching and stroking and feeling her all over. She whined softly into the pillows but did not resist again.

When I closed the spec and slid it out she breathed a heavy sigh of relief, so heavy that I felt compelled to tell her, we are not finished honey. There's still the enema. And I patted her on the bottom, watching with pleasure to see the blush fan quickly down her neck again and her bottom cheeks tense up involuntarily. Some people say the eyes are the window to the soul. I think the bottom cheeks give away a great deal as well.

I filled up the enema bag only halfway because this was not a punishment but simply a tending ritual. Warm water reduces cramping and is easier to take. I hung the bag above her head, inserted the nozzle deeply and then stroked her bottom cheeks again. She was hiding her face in the pillow so I couldn't see her eyes. Anna, turn to look at me please.

She turned and I touched her face. I'm going to fill your bottom up with water now, love, and you're going to hold it until I tell you. She nodded and blushed more, and then as I moved back to her bottom, she turned again to hide her face.

I clicked open the valve halfway and let the water begin a steady trickle. She held still at first and I rubbed her back as the bag emptied slowly. When she started to moan, I stopped the water for a moment, giving her time to adjust her position and take some more deep breaths. She is a tiny girl and I do not expect her to hold a lot of water quickly because of her size. Particularly when an enema is not meant to be a punishment there is no reason to go fast.

When she had settled down again, I turned the water back on and let the bag finish emptying. By the time the bag was flat, she was moaning quietly again and changing position. One of the lovely things about enema administration is that during the "holding" phase, she moves naturally into a position of holding her bottom high in the air and arching her back to ease the pressure inside herself. She is unaware, of course, of the beauty of this pose, for she is fighting a battle inside herself and cannot see what I see. For my part, I am almost breathless watching her, and struggle not to mount her right then and there.

As she held the water and took deep breaths, I rubbed her back and her bottom.
Good girl. And gently touched and felt between her thighs where it was warm and wet and sweet. Her moans of discomfort mingled with moans of frustration at being teased in this way. Do you want to climax for Daddy, Anna? She moaned again and nodded and said please please.

You'll have to hold the water longer, then, yes?

Yes sir.

Good girl.

In truth it didn't take so long. She climaxed against my fingers, shuddering and whimpering within minutes. I kissed her and held her and then sent her to rid herself of the water.

Then it was time for her bath. I love to bathe her, little thing, all soapy and pink and soft. I love to clean her every part, carefully and gently attending to every portion of her body.

When bathtime was done, I dried her in the towel and carried her to our bed. Then, you see, having been
such the gentleman, indulging not yet one of my own raging desires, I parted those lovely pink bottom cheeks yet again that evening and found that the ministrations of the evening had prepared her for me very very nicely.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Thoughts on Maintenance

Daddy's little one wants to know...

Now I have another question if you don't mind me asking. Today I got maintenance (I wrote about it in my blog if you don't know what I mean) and I was wondering if you do maintenance on Anna too. I was wondering because I've never seen you post anything about it so I wondered if you don't do it or if you do and just haven't mentioned it before.

Aha! Another question from the curious little one. I would have thought after spending so many hours online chatting with Anna that you might have covered this topic, but since you have not, I am happy to address it. *winks*

You were correct in thinking that perhaps I do not do "maintenance" on my little girl. I am well familiar with the idea of maintenance and I did take the time to read your blog entry about it. I must confess that after reading it I felt tempted to barge in on my little one as she lies reading on the settee and announce that a new routine would begin today!

However, there are reasons I don't do maintenance as you describe it, and please bear in mind as I explain them that I mean not to contradict your Daddy because of course what works for one couple is not what works for another.

The primary reason I do not give Anna maintenance spankings is that she simply does not need them. There was a time, nearer the beginning of our relationship, when she was far more likely to forget the rules and forget her position in our lifestyle. At that time, I did spank her far more frequently than I do now, but again, these spankings were for specific infractions rather than general maintenance spankings.

Another reason is that I believe it is important for Anna to feel that she has control over whether she is or is not spanked on any given day. An enormous part of what makes discipline successful in our relationship is the fact that she is able to predict what behaviours will get her into trouble with me, and that she can avoid them if she chooses to. Accountability is the focus of discipline and spankings, and in our relationship it is essential that she is only spanked for things she has done wrong, and not for things she might do, or things she has thought of doing. I need for her to feel that punishments are fair and reasonable and for that reason I cannot justify punishing her just to remind her that I can. The fact that she is punished regularly enough for real infractions makes it difficult for her to forget that she can and will be punished when it is warranted.

Likewise, I do not believe in delaying discipline that has been earned unless it is absolutely unavoidable to do so. If we have made a commitment to go out, she will be punished beforehand. I have no qualms about taking her out with a sore bottom. If we are interrupted mid-punishment, the punishment will continue immediately after the interruption has ceased. And most importantly, if she has earned more than one spanking in any given day, she will receive them, regardless of the punishment prior and with no less care and attention than the first was administered. I read with interest that your Daddy spanked you twice in one session - I share his belief that this is, occasionally warranted, as unpleasant as it may be. I too have spanked Anna twice, consecutively, upon occasion, when she has disobeyed me about an aspect of her punishment. It has very rarely been necessary to do this, and upon having learned that I would not hesitate to spank her more than once in a day, Anna realised that one spanking did not prevent another one from following it - and disobedience was far less of an issue.

There are some other aspects of maintenance that I do agree with, however, and do implement. As far as remembering her place, Anna's biggest fault is that she does sometimes forget that she is my little girl and that she is expected to follow some little girl rules. While she is almost always respectful and obedient, she does sometimes forget that within our home she is my baby and there are times I need to remind her of that. When she forgets her littleness too often, I like to implement a "Little Day" to help her remember. These occur on the weekends when I am able to monitor her behaviour very closely and give her attention she needs.

During a Little Day, Anna is treated as much like a baby as I can manage. She is not permitted coffee or adult food, and instead is given baby food I make for her. She is diapered for the entire day and not permitted to use the washroom. Instead I change her when necessasry. She is spanked for each and every "adult" behaviour outside of what I have given her permission to do. She is not allowed to use her computer or to do any work or to speak with her adult friends or go out and do adult things. She is not allowed to watch adult television programs or films and instead must find things to do during the day to entertain her little side. This means she can watch children's movies and television, play games, colour pictures, and spend time with Daddy. These "Little Days" are intended as maintenance to help her remember that she is my little girl and that she must not forget this. These days are difficult for Anna and she sometimes has a hard time obeying me about some of the rules she finds particular embarrassing. Nonetheless, this form of maintenance is something that does wonders for her. Afterward, she is refreshed, happy, and has a good attitude. This is a form of maintenance I enjoy imposing on her and find very effective. (Goodness, Annalove, it's been a long time since you've had a Little Day, hasn't it? Clear your calendar for next Saturday please.)

Another form of maintenance I do regularly is medical checkups and examinations. I have discussed this previously so I won't go into detail, but these checks into Anna's health are deliberate invasions of her privacy and serve to remind her of the fact that she has no secrets from me. Again, she often finds these very challenging and struggles to obey my orders but she knows she will be punished if she is disobedient and so she usually does her best. These exams involve the administration of enemas, as well as internal checks. She finds these embarrassing and taking her through these routines that she finds embarrassing remind her of my control over her and my authority to make these decisions on her behalf. (Oh dear, Anna, it seems we've neglected these in awhile too. The new job has been far too greedy with your time. Tomorrow evening before bed for this, please.)

So, Daddyslittleone, I hope I have answered your question satisfactorily. I don't believe in maintenance spankings, but I do believe in maintenance rituals that reinforce the right mindset. Clearly, a spanking has the ability to do that too, and I'm glad your Daddy knows you well enough to know what works best for you.

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