Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Roleplay and Reality

Ice_Princess said...

I don't understand how you both do this 24/7 I left your little one a comment about that. I don't think I could live it 24/7 how did that come to be for you guys? Just giving you more topics to post about, as if you need my help lol.

This is an interesting question and a difficult one to answer. In some ways I would say that we do live a 24-7 lifestyle and in other ways I would argue that we do not. It is a question of roleplay versus reality.

My interpretation of true roleplay or true scening is that it involves acting or pretending; playing a part that is not real. For example, if we made up stories about Anna getting poor report cards marks at school, and I played her angry father, this would be a scene based on something that did not really happen. In reality, she is not a child, she is not a student, I am not her father, and this scene would be entirely imaginary. This kind of scening, in my opinion, can still meet the needs of the players if they agree on upon the "facts" of the story, and I think it can be therapeutic for some, particularly if the scene they choose to enact carries particular emotional significance. I believe there is healing to be had in scening, for some people.

A partial lifestyle, to me, means that the couple are involved in this lifestyle only at certain times, when it is convenient and desirable. I understand this completely, as many of us have other concerns and interests in our lives that do not allow us to indulge in this lifestyle at all times. I feel that we fit partly in this category and partly in the next one. For her own mental health, we agree it is important for Anna to have a career and friends and other things that normal adult women have and do. I do not wish to isolate her or prevent her from enjoying a normal adult life. I do not prevent her from reading the newspaper, reading adult books, seeing adult films, going to pubs, driving, and most everything that other women outside this lifestyle do. So, in this way, our lifestyle is only partial.

So, to me, a 24-7 lifestyle would mean that my wife was treated, literally, like a child at all times and in all ways. I do not believe this would healthy for her, and I do not believe it would be good for our marriage. I value my relationship with Anna on an adult level very much. I respect her intelligence and I respect her talents and opinions as a capable adult woman. If I were only to interact with her as a child, I would miss our adult relationship terribly. The part of our lifestyle that is 24-7 has to do with rules of the house, and that is because there are some rules that apply to both the child-side and the adult-side. For example, the child is not allowed to smoke simply because children are not legally permitted to do so, but the adult is also not allowed to smoke because I do not want my wife to subject herself to the health risks and dangers associated with smoking. The rule applies at all times and so in this way, this aspect of our lifestyle does apply 24-7.

It was, in fact, the issue of smoking that brought the question to the forefront. My wife is an actress ( if I have not mentioned that before) and is sometimes required to smoke on stage. Like many actors, when she was smoking onstage, she would carry this habit from work into her real life. I have always understood that her career can require her to do things she wouldn't otherwise do, and I had no problem with her smoking during the rehearsals and performances as needed. However, when she began smoking outside of work I told her I disapproved and we discussed it. (This was prior to our marriage.) She told me that she didn't want to smoke either, and that she wished she had more self-control. We agreed at this time that she was no longer going to smoke outside of the requirements of her career and she promised never to do it again. She agreed with me that she should be punished if she did it ever again and from that time on it has been a rule that applies at all times.

So, in this way, we are living the lifestyle 24-7. She can be punished for transgressions of adult or childlike misbehaviour. If she misbehaves in an adult way (like smoking or speeding) or in a childlike way (like being saucy or using bad language) she is punished the same way.

This is where I believe there is a difference between roleplay and reality. We do not pretend that I am really her father, though we use the word "Daddy". We do not pretend that she is really a child.

What we do is work within the reality of our true identities. I identify myself as her "Daddy", in reality. To me, Daddy means I am her protector, her teacher, her lover, and her disciplinarian. She identifies herself as my girl. This means she sees herself as my pupil, my lover, my friend, my little one. These aren't roleplay games, but parts of who we truly are to each other, and so they don't change in any circumstances.

Throughout our marriage, Anna has learned to give up more and more control over things she would never have allowed me to control when we first began our journey together. For my part, I feel it is my job to push her a little, to lead her slightly out of her comfort zone on a regular basis so she will feel the challenge of having her submission tested, and the pride she feels in succeeding.


Blogger Ice_Princess said...

I see you move quickly. I wasn't expecting a response so soon, let alone such a thorough one. Oh, I didn't realize you were in accounting if I had known that I'd be picking your brain regarding all these EVIL finance classes I am taking....sigh

Thank you for the post, I love the way you always answer me without condemning me for asking rediculous questions.

2:55 AM  
Blogger Daddy said...

Your questions aren't ridiculous in the least and I appreciate you asking them. Explaining myself helps me to understand my own thoughts, and any opportunity we can share to understand each other better is more than welcome.

PS: Good luck with the numbers. They certainly can be evil.

5:47 AM  
Blogger Ice_Princess said...

Yeah well, the numbers are made more evil by evil instructors! I don't really get along well with numbers to begin with, so it can really be a challenge. I think somehow I will manage to survive I usually do. I am right now consumed with studying for a graduate entry exam I will be taking. I am trying to get into a doctorate program here, so that is keeping me kind of busy. I'll remember that you like questions, I went to see Tristan and Isolde last weekend and it was a good movie, Casanova was also good. I am trying to find things to do that take the edge asking you questions. Sadly I am out of them for right now. I'll try and think of something soon.

9:04 PM  
Blogger Ice_Princess said...

Ok, I have another topic for you since you've been so quiet lately. Tell me your thoughts on the concept of unconditional love.

3:28 AM  
Blogger Daddy said...

Congratulations on your weighty aspirations! You must be working very hard - I wish you all the best. Thank you for the movie recommendations. I believe I would enjoy both of them. Thank you also for your intereting question which I have been thinking about for a couple of days and am finally prepared to reply to.

9:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, Sir, thank you for posting this. i too have been waiting for a daddy for a long time now, but i am still too young to have one (one more year). There aren't very many people i can talk to about this, and whenever i read something like this, it makes me so happy. my name is anna, too, and i loooove men from Ireland, as well as acting, so this seemed to be almost a look into what i have coming for me. Thank you, thank you for posting this.

10:10 PM  

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