Sunday, November 20, 2005

Babies of Babies

A question that has arisen many times in my life is the question of having children. My mother, in particular, longs for my wife and I to have a child and makes her wishes clear as frequently as possible. My wife would make a wonderful mother, but doesn't want to be one.

Being a "real" father is not something that has ever particularly appealed to me although I do enjoy children very much. My brother has three and they spend many weekends with us. My wife and I enjoy their company, their energy and their mischief. And yet, at the end of a visit, I am always more than sated. I do not feel anything is missing in my life by not having children of my own.

There are parts of my marriage that would have to change if we had children. I would not be free to send my girl to the corner immediately whenever she misbehaved. I would not be able to make free use of the kitchen cooking utensils on her bottom at a moment's notice. I would certainly not be able to push her nearly as far as I do during punishments or during sexual adventures because she is much too vocal for young ears.

I have heard the comment that I do not desire children specifically because my wife is also my little girl. Not so. I do not feel that having this type of relationship with my wife has anything to do with real children. I would never treat a real child the way I treat my wife. The sexual underpinnings of everything we do makes this dynamic completely different. I would not aim to embarrass a real child through discipline the way I do with my wife. For a real child, this would be unhealthy and abusive. For her, this is a sexual and adult need to feel chastened and our age play relationship in spite of its name has next unto nothing to do with my feelings about real children.

I am interested to know, those of you who have real children, how do you fit your age play or BDSM or S&M (acronym acronym) lifestyle into your parental lives?


Blogger Ice_Princess said...

What you said resonates with me on so many levels. I am in a very vanilla relationship I think is the term that's used for it. There is no BDSM in my marriage except for the fact my husband likes to spank me once in a while. I never wanted children, I have children to placate my parents and my husband. We just adopted them this year in fact. I am pretty vocal when the sex is good and that bothers him a bunch. I'm not sure how couples reconcile parenting with BDSM I was going to ask you for your thoughts on that assuming that you're both capable of having children (and I mean physically). I would imagine they must set up some times or something, I mean they probably can't practice 24/7 and have to renegotiate a bit is my guess. I knew a man though who spanked both his wife and his children on a whim he had a website up about it a few years back. I don't know whatever happened to it, I noticed it wasn't up when I went to look it up last time.

I think for myself if I were in a BDSM relationship and I had children I would just negotiate the terms so that the children could be raised in an environment where things were child appropriate. I am a bit conservative though I suppose being that my father is a preacher. My children are 4,5,8 and 9 and I've never had any questions raised about anything relating to my marriage bed come up. I've explained to the children what happens at puberty and a little bit about sex as it has been necessary. Their birth mother was 17 when she had my oldest son and he was really upset at the idea of someone having a baby so young, I explained to him that if you have sex early you have babies early and he can make different choices if he doesn't approve. I am big on giving them choices whenever I can given that they have had such little control in their young lives (they're 3 brothers and their sister, the 8 year old is the only girl).

Children make things difficult though, I came out of my shower the other day and into the bedroom to get dressed and my husband and all the kids were in the bedroom and I was a little bit annoyed because I had to hang out in my towel and grab some clothes go back to the bathroom etc. I really can't wait to see what kind of answers you get to this post just for my own curiosity.

I think if you and your wife feel sated in your life then you should not have to worry about these other people. I told my parents for years they could have another baby if they wanted one and other such comments that are probably too cheeky for you being the proper Irishman you are. Maybe I can think of some solution to shut her up. I remember my friend's Italian grandmother asking me why I didn't have a baby yet and she said she would pray to God to give me a baby and I said well you go ahead and do that.

People seem to have a sense of entitlement when it comes to others, telling them how to live or not live etc. I think this is entirely wrong and it is a pet peeve of mine. I wish I had more advice to give you, but saffice it to say just stand your ground. Your mother has other grandchildren she should back off.

3:16 AM  
Blogger Daddy said...

Hello again ice princess, and thank you for sharing your thoughts.

I was surprised to hear you say that your husband is "bothered a bunch" by your being vocal in the bedroom. My little girl makes a great deal of noise both when she is pleased and when she is punished and both are music to my ears. My inner sadist enjoys the cries and my inner egoist enjoys the moans!

I laughed at the idea of telling the sweet old grandlady to keep on praying. My girl also gets irritated with people who pressure her to have children or explain why she doesn't. When strangers ask us if we are going to have children she likes to say, "Unfortunately, no," and make a hangdog expression, making them feel as though they've touched on something terribly personal and sad. She enjoys their discomfort, the saucy thing, and I struggle not to laugh out loud!

4:38 AM  
Blogger Ice_Princess said...

Hi daddy I am glad you enjoyed my thoughts. I am feeling terribly embarrassed at this moment for something unrelated to our dialog but your comment made me want to tell you my response to "are you going to have children"

We used to do this thing when people would ask if we were going to have children. My husband would reply "Maybe" and I would say "maybe with your second wife" that usually shut people up. Course in Ireland I don't know if you can say that...can you say that? I've flown over Ireland but never landed.

6:20 AM  
Blogger Daddy said...

Well honey, you could certainly say that Ireland just as easily as you could say it in America. There is no shortage of cheeky lasses anymore so here than there, I suspect. However, if you were MY little girl you might taste soap soon after. LOL.

9:51 PM  
Blogger Ice_Princess said...

Most likely I'd be too much of a brat to be your little girl. I'd need a really special daddy, one that probably doesn't exist....although I do know a few that are vieing for my attention, I have yet to actually pick one out. However, I'd never be cheeky to you because that'd be foolish even not being your little girl. I've known enough Irish men to know better LOL.

12:17 AM  
Blogger Miss_Deidre said...

For Myself, living a 24/7 SM relationship with My submissive has proven a difficult challenge as we have a 12 year old son in our home ... However, it's a challenge that we have overcome as time passes ...
Our son is, biologically, my submissive's son through her husband ... He hasn't started asking any embarassing questions yet (why do you sleep in the bed with my Mom? Don't you have your own bed?) but I'm sure they are coming.
As for punishment and play, all of that occurs while he is not home and/or in bed. It takes some arranging at times and there are times when My girl is just about out of her skin because the anticipation is killing her but we both agreed, very early on, that we would go above and beyond our means to ensure our son's "innocence" to our lifestyle for as long as possible.

Now, that's not to say he doesn't understand that I'm the one in charge ... and I'm the one to deal out punishment but never EVER do I punish his mother in front of him. It's important that we provide a united front to him and not one where one member is "lesser" than the other in power ... especially when it's his mother who is the submissive.

I've babbled, haven't I? Oh hell, I'm tired ...

Miss D
The Kitchen Domme

6:22 AM  
Blogger Miss_Deidre said...

*nudge* Where've You been??

2:36 PM  
Blogger Daddy said...

Hi darlin', thanks for the nudge -- again! I keep nodding off at the wheel.

Thank you for your explanation of how your lifestyle works for you, even with young eyes and ears under the same roof. I agree completely that children need to have their innocence preserved as long as possible. Heaven knows it will be ripped from them too soon in any event.

Your remark that punishment and play must wait and that your girl is often "just about out of her skin because the anticipation is killing her" sounds delicious, whatever the reason. There are times I prefer to make my girl wait as well, specifically for the purpose of letting her build up that tension and nervous anticipation. There is some delicate psychology involved and some of the most powerful moments we share are emotional rather than physical. I think waiting often does a submissive little girl a world of good!

6:26 PM  

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